29. Spinning My Wheels.

I guess you could say I’m results-oriented.  I like to see tangible proof of my progress on a daily basis.  I  am happiest when, at the end of a work session, I can look at some sort of measurable indication that I actually got stuff done.

Right now, the things I do, they don’t leave me with that feeling.

I wash many, many dishes every day.  The sink stays empty for about five minutes and then it’s filled right back up.  No sooner do I finish vacuuming do I find crumbs and such on the floor.  The laundry never ends.

At work, it’s no better.  This is a time of year when I spend most of my time putting out fires.  Squeaky wheels are getting oiled and I’m not getting ahead, crossing things off lists or clearing my desk.  I don’t leave at the end of the day able to see what I accomplished.  My desk is a mess, my email is full and there are piles of folders stacked so high that I’m slightly concerned that they will topple onto my office mate’s head.

I’ve been working in my home office to create a usable, inviting space there.  I’ve also been working on the project of bagging, boarding, boxing and cataloging our comic book collection.  Both of these tasks are so huge that often at the time I need to stop for the day I’ve made a bigger mess than when I started.

I know in my head that I’m getting things done.  I mostly don’t stop Doing from 6 in the morning until 9 at night.  I could most certainly make a list of everything I did and you would not deny that I was busy. Most of the time it’s not nonsense either, it’s real work or projects.  But if you were to look around for a pile of completed things or a list you could cross tasks off of, you would probably not find it.

This is not to say I feel the need to justify my time spent.  I don’t, honestly.  This is about my perception  of things.  I am my own worst enemy and this is no exception.  I can talk myself out of pride in accomplishment better than anyone else can.

It gets to me after a while.  I know I don’t NEED to keep a tally.  No one is making me list my deeds for the day so I can get a gold star.

But it would do my spirit good to see things done.  To see a room clean, a list all crossed off, a pile, um, un-piled.

It would be nice to finish the day not feeling like I’m just spinning my wheels.

8 thoughts on “29. Spinning My Wheels.”

  2. Samantha Brinn Merel

    I feel like this too, every single day. There is literally nothing more frustrating than finishing all the laundry, only to drop more dirty clothes in the hamper that same minute. Or dusting a table only to find dust on it again hours later. You are definitely not alone here.

    1. Michelle Longo

      It is really frustrating, isn’t it? I could probably deal with the cleaning being never-ending if everything else around me wasn’t like that too. Oh well. I suppose eventually things will calm down. They will, right?

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