8. Early Resolutions.

As I was emptying the dish drain so I could do more dishes this morning, it occurred to me, yet again, how much of my life is spent doing things I don’t enjoy and wishing I had time and energy to do more of the things I do enjoy.  And then, when things like the two recent storms happen, I’m scrambling to get everything done in less time and growing more and more resentful of the fact that the things I want to be doing seem less and less doable as the necessities pile up.

I had told myself that I was going to write posts in advance, to have them planned and scheduled to go so that I could keep up on them.  This isn’t happening.  My memoir sits, barely written, in my home office that looks like a bomb went off in it.  We’ve lived in this house 2.5 years and that room is as awful as when we moved in.  The attic and basement are disasters.  I never decluttered, I never worked on various projects that need finishing.

Though I’ve made strides towards better health, I’m still overweight, I still don’t eat as well as I should.  I don’t cook whole foods from scratch like I promised I would.  I don’t exercise regularly.

My son…  I don’t even know where to begin there.  Perhaps it’s the struggle of dealing with a growing, changing kid, but I feel like as soon as I get a plan to “fix” one thing, something else changes or goes awry.

I’m blogging more, I’m glad that’s going well.  I wish I could be a better member of the online communities I enjoy, but work and home get in the way of that quite often.  I wish I could keep up with the reading I want to do, supporting the writers I enjoy reading and, again, building better community.

This needs to change.  I can’t keep waking up every day saying I wish I could do this or that but having to do something else instead.

I’m not exactly sure how to achieve my goals and anyone who has hung around my blog (or me) for more than a year knows I go through this every single year.  But this year I’ll try harder.  This year, after seeing progress on the writing front and on the health front, I am hopeful I can have a better plan, attainable goals and a better mental state surrounding the entire endeavor.

So for now, I resolve that by the end of this year I will have solid resolutions, backed up by a solid game plan to achieve them.  And by this time next year, for the first time in my adult life, I won’t be staring down mid-November feeling like a failure.

8 Responses to “8. Early Resolutions.”

  1. Brenda says:

    As someone going through the same experience of unfinished projects and feeling like I’m never where I want to be, I can only tell you that you have accomplished many things this year in terms of your health, your blog, and facing your fears (like going to BlogHer). There is a FB meme I saw and repeat to myself when I feel overwhelmed and verging on zombie like depression – Stop thinking about how far you have to go and start looking at how far you’ve come. Somehow that turn around snaps me out of it.
    The kid thing, well get used to it – you will be saying that all your life!

    • I’m trying so hard to only look at what I’ve done, because in some respects it’s been a lot. In others (like getting the office usable) has been very little. But sometimes I stop and look ahead and it makes me ill! Hoping to make some progress today on some things and then work on my game plan.

      And I’m figuring out on the kid front that things are going to always be in a state of flux. That’s going to be a bumpy ride.

  2. Kianwi says:

    I would say just don’t try to tackle too much. I would say focus on one or two things that are important to you to change and direct your energies towards them, rather than trying to change everything you don’t like, and spreading yourself so thin that there is no way you could accomplish them.

    I’m trying to come up with a couple of things and a solid plan, as well. My life needs some sprucing up! :)

    • That is exactly what I tried to do with the Pish Posh challenge – small attainable goals. It worked pretty well. Hoping to have that translate to other things. I’m thinking if I have a master list with goals for each month, and I work on those knowing there is a plan for the rest, maybe I won’t have a nervous breakdown!

  3. I think one of the things I have enjoyed most about blogging is finding so many people that are JUST LIKE ME when it comes to certain things. And you, my friend, are no exception. This could’ve been written by me, honestly. Well, not quite as well, but you get the idea. :) I live in the same overwhelmed, guilt-ridden, feel-like-a-failure space. One of the things I did regarding “resolutions” a couple of years ago is change them from such big (and often not achievable for me) goals like “lose weight” or “get healthy” or “drink my weight in water every day” etc to smaller things that are filled with nothing but JOY. One example that I did a few years ago was to resolve to send real greeting cards in the mail to people (for birthdays or just because). It’s been easy to do, is always a way to brighten someone’s day, and I’ve been able to keep it going. It’s fun when I’m in Target or even the grocery store to buy the 99 cent cards and then put them in a folder at home so I always have a selection to choose from. Things like this have helped me. Sorry for the long ramble! :)

    • First, stop with the not quite as well bit!!

      I feel the same about you. I often read your stuff and think we are kindred spirits.

      Yes, “Clean house” is not a good goal. We have so many mini projects that if I look at them individually it seems much simpler. So that’s the plan, to make the mini goals so that stuff actually gets done rather than letting another year go by where I don’t.

      Also, love the cards idea! and never apologize for a ramble :)

  4. I get this totally. We all need more time!

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