Category Archives: Life Plans

This Is One of those Update Posts.

I haven’t published a post here in about four months. That was not my intention. I was going to take a week or so off so I could start my new day job.

A week or so.

In my defense, not that I really need to defend myself, I also added a part time job at the same time and I had my freelance work and I have a house to run and a family to take care of and then I started kickboxing. Anyway, writing here fell to the wayside.

As I type this, I’m sitting in my friends’ kitchen in California. We’re here for Long Beach Comic Con. Yeah write will be hosting a booth there with a microstory contest and I’ll be speaking on a panel about the future of digital storytelling. The fact that I’m speaking at a comic convention and that I’m running around as a writer feels all sorts of weird but in a good way.

That is until I got to thinking that if I’m telling people I’m a writer and I have a blog, I probably should put something on it. I’ve sat in front of this screen more times than I can count but nothing comes out. My head is filled with 5,000 other things, most of which aren’t interesting to other people.

Hell, they aren’t even interesting to me. For example: I keep reminding myself that I must not forget to stop at Target to pick up the Simply Balanced Fruit Strips that I put in my kid’s lunch because we’re almost out and the regular grocery store doesn’t have anything that’s not filled with sugar. And why am I not buying these in bulk online? I don’t even know why I don’t buy everything online so I never need to go to a store. I fall down a rabbit hole of errand reminders and ways to improve my life that I don’t have time to implement.

At this point I am so busy and my head is so filled with details that I no longer know whether to shit or wind my watch (best phrase ever). Once LBCC is over, I should have a few free minutes per day to focus on writing more. A few minutes should be enough, right?

If you’re new here, hi, and I promise to write something better than this soon. If you’re old here, hi, and thanks for sticking with me. Good stuff will be happening here soon.

Life is good and interesting and there are opportunities and ideas popping up all around me. Trying to get my head together to act on them is another matter. Soon, though. Soon.

I Was Gonna Do Stuff.

When I lost my job in November, I decided I’d make good use of the time by doing lots of stuff.

Every day I sat down in this very place and made my lists and did stuff. It seemed like the time was endless and yet it flew by because I was doing-but-not-doing all at the same time. Looking for ways to make money, searching for full time jobs and freelance gigs is exhausting work that doesn’t do much for the bank account until something actually pans out which, sadly, most of the time it didn’t. It was depressing.

I’ve had moments in the past where I used to think the best thing that could happen to me would be to lose a job I hated so I could stay home and watch the unemployment payouts roll on in. They rolled in, but they rolled right back out as money tends to do. The difference between unemployment and being on someone’s payroll though is that every week I watched the claim dwindle until I had frighteningly few weeks left to collect and no new job prospects. I hadn’t taken that part into consideration when I thought unemployment sounded great.

Don’t get me wrong, I met a few goals that I had. I picked up some freelance work and got a few more items in my portfolio. I finished a draft of the book I’ve been working on for a few years. Still as the time passed, things were looking pretty bleak.

I’m not really an optimist on the best of days and winter is certainly not the best of days. Winter, quite frankly, can suck it. So in my quest to worry about my joblessness tomorrow, I watched more TV than I think I have in years. I ate everything in sight. I got to Level 88 in Coin Dozer. I was, basically, as unproductive as a human could be.

Well, maybe not. It’s quite a time commitment to get to Level 88 in Coin Dozer.

I had big plans for this time off. I was going to take time for me for the first time in my life and pursue the things I’d always dreamed of doing if I didn’t have to spend all of my time working for some company that might not be appreciating it.

Now, with only a few days left before I start a new and exciting job that I think I might actually love, I’m making lists of all the things I need to do. It’s a pretty long list. I wish I had started this stuff sooner.

It seems my life is always about realizing too late that I should have been doing something else. The funny thing about time is that it just keeps moving even when watching it go by is painful. Sitting around playing Coin Dozer simply reinforced the fact that my services were not required anywhere. I never really had free time before and it turns out I don’t think I want to have it again.

I don’t know how many levels there are in Coin Dozer or if I can ever really finish it, but I’m mighty thankful to not have the time to find out. I’m hopeful that I won’t be wishing I could be doing other things even as the thoughts inevitably creep in that I don’t actually have time to do everything that I want to. Wishing away time is the worst thing I can do and I’ve done that far too often. Wishing isn’t the same as doing.

Now that things are looking up again, I’m gonna go do actual stuff again.

Winter Anxiety.

Since last winter, I’ve been fantasizing about moving away from New Jersey to a place where I’d never have to see snow again or at the very least have some idea what the weather will be every day. Last year only ranked as the 14th worst winter on record but felt much worse. I actually lived through the worst winter in the state in terms of snowfall (1995-96), but that year didn’t traumatize me like last winter did. I was in college back then so maybe that was it.

Considering it was 20 years between that worst winter and the one that had me itching to flee the state, odds were that maybe I would be able to handle whatever this winter threw at me since moving to a warmer climate wasn’t exactly practical. It made more sense to keep my expectations realistic and attempt to go with the flow.

As my Facebook feed reminds me daily, the cold and the snow are typical in this region and therefore I should just settle down with my winter angst. I do expect a certain amount of bad weather and, in fact, I’ve been pretty quiet until now about how frozen my fingers are and how tired I am of wearing so many layers. But after Mother Nature taunted me as she did last week, I’m done. I give up. I’m out.

I’m not a flexible person. I like to have a plan and stick to it, but given how unpredictable the weather is, I try not to make too many plans. Since I’m trying to meet the universe half way here and not put unrealistic expectations it, I think it would be super awesome if maybe the universe could get off my back for a change. You see, I had plans last week and the weather decided to mess with me.

First up on Thursday was a focus group which was an opportunity to earn some actual money. The location of the event was about 20 miles from my house and no sooner were the details all firmed up did the 5-day forecast start to not look so hot. I don’t put much stock in longer-range outlooks though so I decided to pretend I wasn’t stressed. Plus I had bigger fish to fry.

My kid’s birthday party was scheduled for Saturday. 17 kids and more than a dozen adults were supposed so to gather at my house for a Pokemon celebration. I still had a million things to do that didn’t make sense to do until closer to the party. With close to half a foot of “wintry mix” anticipated for Saturday afternoon, I started sending texts to see if moving the party was a viable option. It was not.

I’ve had virtually nothing to do for weeks that couldn’t be easily rescheduled. Suddenly, now that I had obligations scheduled and I had been praising the weather for not being a giant jerk so far, it was making me regret ever saying anything nice.

Thankfully, after 24 hours of watching the predicted snow accumulations go up and down for Thursday morning (and subsequently wondering if I was going to earn that money or not), there ended up being no precipitation at all. Saturday went from 5″-8″ to 3″-5″, then to less than 1″, only to have 5″ or so fall on Friday night and nothing on Saturday. Sure, I went through half a bottle of Tums from the stress, but at least things worked out.

Then there was a blizzard warning.

I’m over this. I think I’ll use my snow day to plan my escape from the Northeast.

Wellness Wednesday 2015-2

Second week and I already almost forgot to post.

My hard work has paid off and I’m down 4.4 pounds since January 5. I’ve been doing my wii fit, counting my calories and incorporating healthy habits. I’ve even been drinking water!

There are already a few things that I can see I’m going to have to work on if this is all going to be sustainable.

First, I think I’m going to need a second 1/2 cup measure. I feel like I’m constantly washing mine because so much of what I eat is measured in 1/2 cup increments. I’m sort of sick of looking at that stupid cup. I suppose soon enough I’ll better be able to eyeball what a 1/2 cup of stuff looks like. Maybe I won’t get a second one. You all know how much I hate owning stuff. Almost as much as I hate washing stuff.

I’ve been eating a salad with chicken almost every day for lunch. I don’t mind eating the same thing every day. In fact, it kind of makes things easier because I know what my calories will be, I have my trusty 1/2 cup measure at the ready, and I actually find it filling. My 250 calorie meal is reasonable and I can have a yogurt and a piece of fruit later in the day so I can make it until dinner. Here’s the problem: I HATE cutting up salads. The amount of effort that goes into compiling one meal is downright ridiculous. As it is I buy bagged lettuce and grape tomatoes and mini cucumbers, all so that I can cut up that much less. I mean, how much more can I cut out of this process? I’m trying to appreciate the (very few) calories I must be burning in this process, but I’m still getting sort of bitter at the salad. Stupid salad. It doesn’t even have cheese on it.

Speaking of cheese, remember how I said I wasn’t going to eat cheese? Yeah, that didn’t work. Cheese is delicious. I’m measuring it and eating single servings and I’m hoping I can remain in control.

Speaking of remaining in control, my cheat day got a bit out of hand last week. One pint of ice cream. All at once. Bad. Bad bad bad. So yummy though. Whatever. It happened and I’m shaking it off but I can’t make a habit out of that. I really want my cheat days to be more about not having to log everything in or measure every portion. It isn’t supposed to be about eating everything in sight.

I haven’t been at this long enough to say I have new habits. Not even close. But I saw enough weight loss to keep going. I plan to keep it up.

Until next week…

Featured image credit: http://uncrate.com/stuff/fitbit-aria-wi-fi-smart-scale/

Wellness Wednesday 2015-1

I decided to resurrect my Wellness Wednesday series in the hopes that doing so will provide me with some ongoing accountability. I’ll be totally honest with you though. If I start to slip, I’ll probably just stop doing the posts. I realize that totally defeats the purpose, but my blog, my rules.

I’m not going to sit here and fat shame myself. I don’t want to whine that I’m so fat and ugly and nothing fits and so on. What I am going to do is put some facts out there.

As of January 5, I weighed 165 pounds. This is the most I’ve ever weighed even when I was pregnant. I have now surpassed my weight on the day I gave birth 8 years ago. I know we’re not supposed to talk about what we weigh, but in the spirit of only presenting information without judgement, I am giving an actual number. There it is: 165.

I am just under 5 feet tall, but let’s use measurements for someone who actually IS 5 feet tall. I like round numbers and I’m almost there and I feel like it’s better than rounding my height down. The ideal weight for someone who is 5 feet tall is between 95 and 128 pounds. I haven’t been 95 pounds since I was a senior in high school, so that seems a bit unrealistic. When I was my healthiest as an adult, right before I got pregnant in early 2006, I weighed 128. I felt good but like 5-10 more pounds would be ideal. Given those facts, my goal weight is 125. It’s also another round number.

To reach my goal, I need to lose 40 pounds. Losing 50 or 60 would not make me unhealthy though it may be less than realistic. I’m going to stick with the 40 and see how I feel when I get there.

Here are the action steps I’m planning to use for at least the first month:

1. Use MyFitnessPal to track calories and exercise.

2. Exercise at least 30 minutes per day at least 5 days per week. It doesn’t have to be strenuous, but it has to happen.

3. No cheese (because I tend to binge on it when I eat it) and no take-out (except January 24, the day of my son’s birthday party).

That’s it. No food is off-limit if I can fit it into my calorie budget and the budget helps me to make better choices. Exercising pads the budget. Take-out always ends badly.

It’s not just about the weight. I feel like crap almost all the time. My sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits are making me miserable and it’s time to change things. I need a measurable goal for this to work. “Feeling better” isn’t going to be enough. I will feel better if I weigh less because the only way to weigh less is the eat better and exercise. I hate to focus on numbers and all that but going by how my clothes feel isn’t a good measure (unless I only wear one outfit indefinitely) and my level of fatigue or shortness of breath or whatever else isn’t reliable since so many other factors impact perception.

Weight is measurable. Scales don’t lie. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it’s what will motivate me.

I’ve been doing well since Monday (yes, I’m aware it’s not even 3 full days yet) but I’m tired and cranky. I was going to try to end this on a positive note but, well, I don’t have one right now. My disposition probably has more to do with the weather and my current hormonal state than my food (because I have been eating). I look forward to being over the transitional hump that one must go through to build good habits because this transitional hump sucks.