I was going to beat myself up over taking more than a month to post a new blog, but it’s better than letting 3+ years go by, so I’m going to call this a win. Also? I’m tired of beating myself up. Anyway, let’s get to the point. The question of what I want to do with my life keeps coming up. If I’m not happy doing what I’m presently doing, then what is it that want to do? What will make me happy?
Continue reading
Two months ago, yeah write had the opportunity to be a part of Long Beach Comic Con. This was such a wonderful experience for so many reasons. First and foremost, I got to spend the weekend with many of my fellow editors. It was the first time so many of us were in the same state together, let alone the same venue. But I also got to spend the weekend thinking about and talking about writing, and specifically about yeah write.
Having the chance to sit on a panel and talk about writing was amazing. Sharing the stage with such talent was equally amazing. If you haven’t already, take a few minutes to watch the video. When you’re done, stop by yeah write.
This is yeah write’s nomo Day 16.
That moment when you’re so tired and thirsty you make a cup of coffee and pour a big bottle of water and then you come |thisclose| to pouring half and half into the water and not into the coffee.
That moment when you’re so tired you refer to bread as bed.
That moment when you say something as ridiculous as, “This is the Swiss cheese of bed!” and you meant bread and that’s not really all that much better.
That moment when you forget to bring your antacids to kickboxing and have to keep stopping so you don’t puke on a heavy bag.
That moment when you realize you’re really like a 90 year old walking around with your heartburn and whatnot.
That moment when you tell someone, “I’ll bring you my card so you can check out my website!” and then you remember that your blog has been nothing but bullshit about your toilet and pesto and coffee and being tired.
That moment when you realize you really need to write something you can be proud of.
That moment when you realize tonight’s not going to be that night.
This is yeah write’s nomo writing challenge Day 12.
Last year I wrote a post about my goals and stuff, cleverly titled Goals and Stuff. Some years I meet my goals, some I don’t, but I like setting them anyway. If things work out well, I can be all “Hey! Look at me, making stuff happen WOOHOO!!!” But if I fail to accomplish things, I have created something to beat myself up over which is one of my favorite hobbies.
In 2014, I set out to do three things: finish the first draft of the memoir manuscript, lose 50 pounds, and empty my house of all nonessential items. I didn’t do any of them, but I’m not quite ready for self-flagellation. I am going to (you might want to sit down here and brace for the shock) cut myself some slack.
The manuscript: I have over 90,000 words and I would say, since I’m in a generous mood, I’m about 90% done with the draft. I’m not even slightly pretending that it doesn’t need tons of work still but most of the story is down. When I decided to really get serious about it last January, I had bits and pieces and a loose outline but no idea what I had in any measurable way. It’s not done like I’d wanted, but I feel like I’ve made so much progress and it’s not a wishy-washy “I want to write a book” type goal anymore.
Weight: Let’s just not, okay?
Empty the house: I had planned to focus on the attic and the basement. The attic is about 90% empty (seems to be a common number for me…). All that’s left is one piece of furniture I have to take apart to throw out (so lazy though), the comic book collection (which will probably stay there permanently), my wedding dress, and about half a dozen bins of pictures, keepsakes, and my mom’s stuff. Considering it was so full I could barely walk up there last year, this is a huge improvement. The basement has been emptied by about 50%. There is still stuff down there to donate or sell, keepsakes and Mom’s stuff to go through and various household items. I can’t empty it fully, but there’s still plenty of work to be done.
So what’s on the horizon for this year? I’m keeping the 3 goals from last year but adding a few more areas of focus.
1. Finish the book. Not just the first draft but all the drafts.
2. I need to do something about my weight and health in general. I need coping strategies that don’t involve pizza. I need to exercise regularly.
3. Keep getting rid of stuff. Organize what’s left. Get rid of more stuff.
4. Get paid to write. I landed a few paying gigs in 2014, but this year I’d like to expand on that. It would be wonderful if I could write full time as opposed to finding another insurance job and I suspect that may not be something I do this year, but I want to get closer to it.
5. Read more books and watch more movies. Not a fancy goal, but one that will make me happy.
This year, more than anything else, I want to focus on the stuff that matters most to me. I want to stop killing time. At the risk of vague-blogging, I have goals much larger than what I could put into a year-in-review/resolutions post. You’ll have to take me at my word that I’m going to keep working on them. If every day is spent focusing on the big picture and not immediate gratification, it will be a successful year.
Thanks to everyone who reads this blog regularly. When you tell me that you enjoy my writing, when you encourage me to keep going, that you can’t wait to read the book or just that you liked this post or that one, it means so much. Writing feels like it happens in a vacuum sometimes and knowing that people are looking forward to hearing what I have to say is invaluable. Hopefully I won’t let you down in the coming year.
When I was a tween, I was recruited for my first job. The lady who lived two doors down asked me if I’d like to come with her to the senior citizen building around the corner and help her clean apartments and do laundry. She paid me an amount so small that, more than thirty years later, I can’t recall it, but at the time it was my surefire ticket out of my house and into an apartment of my own. I had big dreams back then.
From there I babysat until I got a job for five seasons at the local Dairy Queen. When they would close for the winter, I worked in a drug store and the mall (selling engravable gifts, lingerie and books, not all at the same time). Finally, in 1995, I landed my first office job filing and opening mail. It was supposed to last a few months, but I kept doing more stuff and they kept paying me and I didn’t leave there until 2007.
When I did finally leave, I had a 95% sure thing waiting for me. I popped into that job two weeks later and stayed for more than five years. My last gig started about 19 months ago and allowed me to work from home and gave flexibility in my schedule to deal with a child in elementary school.
I have always kept going, kept pushing, kept working. Whether I liked the job or not was irrelevant. I was supposed to work and earn money and so I did. Always.
That last job was working out well for me until, about two weeks ago, they let me know they eliminated my position. They told me not to take it personally, but that’s easier said than done. I’ve never not had a place to go or something coming up over the horizon. My ego is healing from the bruise of being unwanted but I’m done with wallowing. I’ve always taken the safest routes and it has gotten me nowhere. Now is the time for change.
As much as I would tell you that I wished I had free time to do whatever I wanted to do, there was a certain comfort in not having to make that decision for myself. The reason my book wasn’t done? The job. The reason I didn’t write more for pay or otherwise? The job. The reason I couldn’t exercise, plan better meals for my family, volunteer more at the school? The job. Always the job. It was a ready made excuse and I used it to the fullest.
Now I have all the time in the world. I’m faced with an uncertain future and forty-five unstructured hours per week to fill with trying to accomplish my goals. The universe stepped in and told me that if I really want to do big things, here’s my chance. It’s exciting and it’s scary. If I fail, I have no one to blame now but me.
So I will make myself wanted again. I will push through the self-doubt. I always knew I was meant for something more.
It’s now or never.
