I Was Gonna Do Stuff.

I Was Gonna Do Stuff.

When I lost my job in November, I decided I’d make good use of the time by doing lots of stuff.

Every day I sat down in this very place and made my lists and did stuff. It seemed like the time was endless and yet it flew by because I was doing-but-not-doing all at the same time. Looking for ways to make money, searching for full time jobs and freelance gigs is exhausting work that doesn’t do much for the bank account until something actually pans out which, sadly, most of the time it didn’t. It was depressing.

I’ve had moments in the past where I used to think the best thing that could happen to me would be to lose a job I hated so I could stay home and watch the unemployment payouts roll on in. They rolled in, but they rolled right back out as money tends to do. The difference between unemployment and being on someone’s payroll though is that every week I watched the claim dwindle until I had frighteningly few weeks left to collect and no new job prospects. I hadn’t taken that part into consideration when I thought unemployment sounded great.

Don’t get me wrong, I met a few goals that I had. I picked up some freelance work and got a few more items in my portfolio. I finished a draft of the book I’ve been working on for a few years. Still as the time passed, things were looking pretty bleak.

I’m not really an optimist on the best of days and winter is certainly not the best of days. Winter, quite frankly, can suck it. So in my quest to worry about my joblessness tomorrow, I watched more TV than I think I have in years. I ate everything in sight. I got to Level 88 in Coin Dozer. I was, basically, as unproductive as a human could be.

Well, maybe not. It’s quite a time commitment to get to Level 88 in Coin Dozer.

I had big plans for this time off. I was going to take time for me for the first time in my life and pursue the things I’d always dreamed of doing if I didn’t have to spend all of my time working for some company that might not be appreciating it.

Now, with only a few days left before I start a new and exciting job that I think I might actually love, I’m making lists of all the things I need to do. It’s a pretty long list. I wish I had started this stuff sooner.

It seems my life is always about realizing too late that I should have been doing something else. The funny thing about time is that it just keeps moving even when watching it go by is painful. Sitting around playing Coin Dozer simply reinforced the fact that my services were not required anywhere. I never really had free time before and it turns out I don’t think I want to have it again.

I don’t know how many levels there are in Coin Dozer or if I can ever really finish it, but I’m mighty thankful to not have the time to find out. I’m hopeful that I won’t be wishing I could be doing other things even as the thoughts inevitably creep in that I don’t actually have time to do everything that I want to. Wishing away time is the worst thing I can do and I’ve done that far too often. Wishing isn’t the same as doing.

Now that things are looking up again, I’m gonna go do actual stuff again.

8 Responses to “I Was Gonna Do Stuff.”

  1. Ramya says:

    good narration

  2. outlawmama says:

    Your book!! A draft of your book! So thrilling. Congrats on that and the new job.

  3. blainecindy says:

    Ah, yes. There’s nothing worse than wishing for something and then finding out that when you get it, it’s not really what you wanted. Great job!

  4. Congratulations on the new job! I’m so excited for you, and know you are going to do amazing things. I totally understand your feelings from your time off. I always go into big chunks of time off with grand plans and lists of things to do, but instead wind up getting a little bit accomplished while I binge watch TV shows.

  5. Jen says:

    Wow so wonderful about the new job and book draft!! yay!

  6. I hope that this job is far more than a job for you. It’s nice to enjoy getting up and going to work. I have worked to many where just getting out of bed was a chore. Congratulations.

  7. katydidknot says:

    The biggest problem with being out of work is not knowing how long you’re going to be out of work.

    For me, anyway.

    Glad you’ve found something, though, and I am sure you will look back fondly on the days when you could play Coin Dozer…

  8. Good and honest story about being unemployed. I find that I’m busier when I’m not employed and have a hard time accomplishing everything I set out to do. Now I’m realizing I have to focus on one thing at a time. It’s not easy for me, but it helps.

    Good luck on your new job! It sounds like it will be a great fit!

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