Hmm.

This week’s Monday Listicles topic was selected by the wonderful writing team behind The Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, Ellen and Erin.  If you’ve never visited their site, I highly recommend!  Their list topic, Things That Make You Go Hmm, is a throw back to that lovely hit song from the 90s.

I remember lamenting some tale of woe to a friend of mine back in the day.  I suspect it was something about unrequited love, but it hardly matters.  And when I got done telling her the atrocity that I perceived had been committed against me, her only reply was, “Things that make you go hmm.”  Every time I hear the song, I think of her.

But on to the list.

1.  Why is it that of late every time I’m out driving I encounter someone who seems to think that just because they put their turn signal on they can just make the turn?  The signal doesn’t give you the right of way, waiting for those who actually have it to finish doing what they’re doing gives you the opportunity to go.  Oh, and BTW, just because you want to make a left turn onto a main thoroughfare out of a fast food joint or the gym doesn’t mean you can just inch out into traffic and block it so that you can MAKE a way for yourself.

2.  Here’s some office life head-scratchers:  When you pick up your stuff from the printer, why don’t you check to make sure it’s just your stuff?  Why don’t you check to see if all your stuff printed or if it ran out of paper?  Same with the copier?  And if you’re going to turn on one printer, why don’t you turn on the one directly next to it, even though you don’t use it?  When you use the last of the water, why don’t you put on a new bottle or find someone who can?

3.  When did the general public forget that you should stay to the right, not just on the road, but everywhere?  In the grocery store, for example?  If you stay to the right going in your direction and I stay to the right going in my direction then when we’re walking down the aisle, we don’t have to engage in a game of chicken.

4.  When did it become OK to intentionally go out in your pajamas?  And when did winter snow boots like Uggs become something you wear in June?  I can’t tell you how many girls I saw wearing them in the herd the other day.  Seriously, it’s getting warm out.  Their feet must stink.  I hope they aren’t hanging out with a boy after school.

5.  When I was a kid, if it was your birthday, you brought cupcakes in to school.  The end.  These kids still bring in cupcakes swirled with at least 35% more icing, but now they also bring in a bucket of candy and stickers and crayons.  These goody bags resemble Easter baskets and I don’t get it.  Why are the parents out-doing each other?  Why do you have to give your kid’s classmates gifts on your kid’s birthday?  You gave your kid life and cupcakes, isn’t that enough?

6.  Why must everything that tastes good be so filled with fat and calories?  And why is falling off the diet wagon so delicious?  AND why is climbing back on the diet wagon on a Monday so dreadful?

7.  How did my child, who is 5, forget how to put on socks?  One day a few weeks ago, he completely lost it over his socks being uncomfortable and he ripped them off in a fit of rage.  I put them back on, straightened the offensive toe-seam and we were good to go.  Now, every morning, he stands before me crying, socks in hand, because he doesn’t know how to put them on.

8.  Mayonnaise.  Just in general.  You guys, it’s eggs and vinegar.  Why does that sound good to you?  It’s all whipped up into a gelatinous goo and then put into perfectly good food to ruin it.  And why, WHY for the love all that is good in this world, does it always end up in a little clump in the corner of someone’s mouth?  It is a most offensive condiment.  Its popularity will always be a mystery to me.

9.  There’s a gas station along a route I take with relative frequency that has a sign near the side of the highway.  The sign reads, “God Bless America NFL Exxon.”  I get the America part.  I get the Exxon part.  But the NFL?  Really?  I mean, sure, you can ask God to bless whatever you want, but why is a gas station (or, ostensibly, its owner) seeking blessings for the NFL?

10.  I was putting my grocery items on the belt today when some woman threw the order separator bar on the belt and started putting her stuff up.  I wasn’t even halfway done emptying my cart.  Her stuff kept falling on mine and I was quickly running out of room as the belt advanced and her stuff took up more and more space.  It became apparent how annoyed I was to have to keep moving her Cheerios when this happened:
Her:  Did I do something wrong?
Me:  Yes.  I wasn’t done putting my stuff up and you are taking over the belt.
Her:  That’s what the bar is for.
Me:  No, it isn’t.  It’s for when I’m done.  Then you put it on the end.
Her:  You have a real problem.
Me:  Listen, we’re all in a rush.  There’s just no need to push me out.
Her:  Guess what?  I’m not in a rush.  You can take all day for all I care.
Me:  OK.  I’m not in the mood for anyone’s crap today.  Maybe it’s your first day in a grocery store.  You’re supposed to wait.
Her:  Are you an IDIOT?
Me:  {Sigh}  You’re really obnoxious.
So much wrong with that exchange.  It’s really just one of many things that makes me go hmm.

Thanks for joining me for another week. Be sure to click through the button below and check out some of the other posts.  And while you’re at it, make sure you check out Stasha’s blog, too.

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21 Responses to “Hmm.”

  1. Jackie says:

    Are you freaking serious about that grocery exchange? I don’t think I could have held my tongue!
    As for mayo, seriously, it doesn’t make sense, I mean who thought of mixing eggs with vinegar? Whoever did, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Roast beef sandwiches wouldn’t take half as good without the mayo, and seriously what about tuna & chicken salad?

    • I wanted to say far worse things that I did. It almost turned ugly.
      I eat my Roast Beef dry (with cheddar or roasted red peppers and mozzarella). I don’t eat tuna (or any fish ever) and I don’t eat chicken salad. I eat sandwiches with mustard or dry and I have alternative recipe for all “picnic” type recipes that call for mayo. :) I really can’t even stand the sight of it!

  2. The sports thing in the USA is very interesting to me. I don’t get it.

  3. Kathy says:

    Visiting from “listicles”. I am sooooo with ya on the mayo thing….GROSS!

  4. This was oh so true! Feeling any better? Or do you still need to throat punch a bunny to get over that convo in the grocery store? That was awful. Ellen

    • I kinda just want to throat punch that woman. The things I almost said… the worst 4 letter words you can think of. But I tried to behave as though my son was with me – what has become of me?

  5. Stasha says:

    You grocery exchange was so East coast :) I cannot imagine anyone being that rude here…If they were I would probably have popped a vain in my forehead. You handled it very well.
    I hear you on all those. I don’t like mayo at all but I guess there is other stuff equally bizarre that I go for. And the parents outdoing each other: RIGHT ON!!
    Great list Michelle.

    • Thanks so much!
      Usually I’m good to go on a nice East Coast style argument, but either I’m getting old or I’m gearing up for my future life on the West Coast, but I just didn’t have it in me!

  6. Katie E says:

    I have to admit I’m guilty of going out in my pajamas and Uggs fairly often – sorry :) I can only say that it’s due to total laziness.

  7. Dana says:

    At least they use turn signals in NJ. I’ve discovered that Marylanders are not aware that they even have turn signals. When I use mine (and I always do), I think it really freaks them out.

    • I think that even though NJ drivers have a bad reputation, and you KNOW how us Jerseyans feel about PA drivers, everywhere you go people really just drive terribly. Stupidity is universal.

  8. “Maybe it’s your first time in a grocery store.” Flipping hilarious. I so wish I was there. Seriously, that whole encounter could have been a post in and of itself. And regarding keeping to the right. YES!!!!!!! EVERY TIME I WALK THE DOGS there’s someone who wants to go the wrong direction as we pass. Stupid.

  9. Ducky says:

    Ooooh! Traffic…I can’t get started on that or I will never stop. And Uggs? Seriously?! It was 90 here yesterday and I saw some chick at the HARDWARE store in them. Wow…really?!

  10. Ado says:

    Sometimes I’m in a big shopping center and I forget to “stay on the right” and I look up and I’m going against the general flow of traffic. But now, after reading your post, I have a clear idea of where I’m supposed to be! (-:

  11. ltlindian says:

    That’s why I block the grocery store lane until I’m done putting all my stuff up. For real. I stand at the end of the lane with my cart of shit in front of me and load from the back.

    East coast in the house! lol

  12. Donna says:

    Yes, yes, yes, to #4! The pajamas and the ugg boots, drive me crazy!

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