I Am Now A Believer.

OK, so Carmen didn’t kill me, but she got her revenge just the same.

Let me set the stage.  Husband was in the shower and I was just about to throw laundry from the washer into the dryer.  As I descended the basement stairs, a strange odor slapped me in the face.  It was vaguely reminiscent of a pile of shit.

This is not the first time I’ve smelled shit in my own basement.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, I heard gurgling.  I can name two things, right off the top of my head, that shouldn’t gurgle.  One is your sewer drain.  The other is your toilet.

One quick peek at both indicated a problem I wish I could tell you I was unfamiliar with.  Our sewer line was backed up.  Again.  This is about the fourth time since we moved in two and a half years ago.

Being the resourceful and frugal gal that I am, I decided I would try to take care of this myself.  I grabbed some gloves, some plastic bags, a bucket and a wire hanger.  I gently removed the cap to the drain and guess what came oozing out?

You guessed it.  Sewage!  Hurray!

If you guessed massive clumps of toilet paper, I will also award you some points.

I used the hanger to remove the paper into what I found out was aptly named “the pit” around the drain.       Upon doing so, we went from ooze to rush.  I now had, oh, about a gallon or so, of slime spewing forth from a hole in my basement floor.  Since I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet, I had the wherewithal to slam the cap back on the pipe and call a professional.

For the low, low price of two hundred and thirty five dollars (and forty cents!), you too can have a sewer pipe free of shit and toilet paper!

So, John of Royal Flush popped on over.  He told me that I was lucky that it wasn’t backed up worse and that I didn’t “get a face full” when I opened the cap.  Lucky, indeed.

He stuck some things down the pipe and now we’re good.  Good, except you know, for the smell of a porta-potty in my house.  John suggested that I pour some disinfectant in the pit.  We had some Mr. Clean and now my house smells like shit and lemons.

As someone who knows, take it from me.  Don’t open your sewer drain if it’s bubbling.  There are some things you simply cannot unsee.  Or unsmell.  Don’t use thick and fluffy toilet paper if your house has a history of sewer back ups, even if that toilet paper is on sale.  And if you happen to read a story on Facebook about a girl who died in a sewer drain, just repost the damn thing.

This is a little different from the kind of post I’d normally link up with Yeah Write, but, well, I did it anyway.  Head over there for a collection of great blogs and then on Thursday vote for your five favorites.

65 thoughts on “I Am Now A Believer.

  1. Kathleen Michiganleft

    Ugh. That is the worst. The sewer in our first house backed up and flooded the basement — the week before our closing date to sell it. It was beyond disgusting. You’re right: You can’t unsee or unsmell that experience.

    1. Michelle Longo

      Oh wow, that’s some terrible timing! I was happy that I was home today, otherwise I’d have had to take time off work to deal with it. I am all sorts of lucky today!

    1. Michelle Longo

      For a brief moment, I considered the possibility that I’d tumble down the basement stairs, break my neck and fall next to the drain. I know it’s not exactly what the story claimed would happen, but it would be creepily close, right?

  2. Brenda

    Hahaha, Carmen indeed!
    Reminded me of Grandpa’s house and his little signs in the bathroom to “Please don’t put Kleenex in the toilet!”. Unfortunately, it went ignored one day as people were on the way with the realtor to see the house…
    For you it’s Carmen, for me it was Grandpa.

    1. Michelle Longo

      I smelled it all day and I couldn’t tell if the house still smelled or if it was just in my head! It’s gone for good though now I’m sure. After being out all day at work on Tuesday and not smelling it when I got home, I know we’re safe. So awful though!

  3. Renee Schuls-Jacobson

    In graduate school, I lived in an illegal basement apartment when sewage backed up in my sink. It was disgusting. I was brushing my teeth with poopie water. I’ll never forget it. Ever. Poop always makes for good stories.

    I’m here from yeah Write.

    It’s my first time.

  4. Natalie the Singingfool

    Oh ick ick ick! We broke the sewage pipe on our trailer once, and the cleanup was NOT fun. The good news was it was out-of-doors, so the smell dissipated fairly quickly after the cleanup – I can only imagine that lemon-shit smell…

    1. Michelle Longo

      The shit was bad enough, but the lemon on top was just horrific! We have many windows in our basement so it aired out pretty quickly. Not quite quickly enough, but you get it 🙂

  5. Linda Roy

    Omg – Carmen gotcha! That is so weird. As a manager of Waste Management like…constantly…here at Chez Roy, I can tell you that I feel your pain. I have a poop story that is itchin’ to be told someday. But this was a Queen Mother of a poop story, I’ll tell ya. I’m still cracking up that the plumber was named JOHN and that company was ROYAL FLUSH. That is stellar! LOLOL “…shit and lemons…” haha Sorry, it had to be horrific, but so funny.

    1. Michelle Longo

      It was pretty funny. And seriously, how can you NOT hire a guy name John from Royal Flush. He’s actually a really nice guy. And clearly I see way too much of him.

      I can’t wait to read your poop story. Now you must write it!

  6. Marcy

    I thought you were very resourceful in your story, partly clearing it yourself. That was really funny timing with the Facebook thing.

  7. IASoupMama

    Ick. Ick. Ick. I’m gagging in my office. I can’t imagine lemon poo potpourri…

    My hubby always went nutso with the Lysol after a dog poo accident in our house. I can’t stand the smell of Lysol mixed with dog poo. Blech!

    1. Michelle Longo

      My dog was good for some really impressive poop accidents and the smell of that with something to “mask” it always made it so much worse! There’s really nothing that covers that up!

  8. Jester Queen

    Oh man – I hate rooting around in anything involving shit. And yet, my son is a flusher. I, too, have dredged the drains. Shit and lemons. I think that may be my new swear word. I promise to credit you.

    1. Michelle Longo

      “Oh, shit and lemons!” Yes, it does sound good.

      I’m lucky that my son never flushed anything. But I figure there’s a first time for everything and I wouldn’t put it past him!

  9. Jared Karol

    Oh, the joys of home ownership. I laughed at the part about your place smelling shit and lemons. Reminded me of Adam Carolla way back in the day on LoveLine saying that he never used fragrance spray in the bathroom because it just smelled like someone took a crap on a pine cone. True, true. . .

    1. Michelle Longo

      So true – crap on a pine cone! Yes, this home has been a bundle of joy since we bought it. 6 years vacant meant lots of surprises once we started actually living in it.

    1. Michelle Longo

      Oh, Nutella. I was cracking up thinking of you enjoying a snack, then reading this. So I think my laughing cancelled out your laughing.

      I’ll try to remember to put a disgusting disclaimer next time.

  10. Ken

    Sometimes, all you can do is laugh?

    We live in the country and when we needed our septic tank sucked, It was cheapest to get the neighbour to come with his tank and suck it out. Except his hose was bad and half way through the job it blew apart and covered the curious group of onlookers in, well….shit! That’s my sewage story. I think we burned our clothes.

    Also, when I go into my basement, I smell teenage boys. Some days I wonder if the sewage might be better? 🙂

    1. Michelle Longo

      We had a septic at our old house and right before we moved we had to have it cleaned and flushed with peroxide. Stupid thing was open in the direct sun for much longer than any of us would have liked. Thankfully none of us were wearing the contents!!

  11. trulywrittenramblings

    OMG that sounds disgusting and yet so well told! My neighbours just had the sewer back up in their house and it flooded their unit and the duplex next to them! Both sides have moved out while repairs are done!!! At least your backup wasn’t that bad!

  12. saalon

    Oh, Michelle. Bouncing me back and forth between retching-gagging-nausea and laughter for an entire post. You jerk.

    Shit and lemons. laughretch

    Jerk.

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