Into the Woods.

Into the Woods.

Needles crunched below while you remained silent

As I brought you into the woods, the pine

trees scented the air and then I heard you breathe deep.

 

When you finally start, your bitterness runs so deep,

I let you carry on. I keep silent

Standing before you in the shade of this majestic pine.

 

I am slain among the pine;

Your sharp words cutting deep.

You speak your piece and fall silent.

 

I am silent when I leave you with the pine; this time your wound is deep.

 

 

16 Responses to “Into the Woods.”

  1. “I am slain among the pine” – loved this. Nice job with the tritina.

  2. Christine says:

    Michelle, you need to write more poetry. This is gorgeous. I love the overall imagery and the brevity of the lines in the third tercet. Wow.

  3. Stacie says:

    Seriously Michelle! This is beautiful and sad. You are totally a poet.

    • michellelongo says:

      Thank you. There is a story in the inspiration behind it and someday you’ll read it. This just isn’t that day :)

  4. Asha says:

    Quite aside from being completely in awe of you for writing a tritina, this was filled with such pathos. It’s beautiful, and I hope you keep writing poetry too.

  5. Silverleaf says:

    Yes, what everyone else said about writing poetry! Loved the way you built up to the ending. Beautiful scene-setting, too.

  6. Jan Wilberg says:

    I start off thinking we’re going to get a Christmas tree and then something quite different is going on. I love twists like that. Unexpected and so sharp.

  7. Meg says:

    Fascinating that the narrator leads his/her love into the pines and leaves the person there: I brought you/I leave you. Great contrast there rumbling underneath. Love it!

    • I hadn’t thought about that bringing/leaving thing. This is inspired by another story I wrote but haven’t shared yet and I hadn’t thought of the contrast in that way. Interesting. This may shape that original story. Thanks for pointing it out.

  8. inNateJames says:

    I like how you brought an the confrontation into a traditionally peaceful setting. And the hints of murder are so subtle, but very clear.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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