Needles crunched below while you remained silent
As I brought you into the woods, the pine
trees scented the air and then I heard you breathe deep.
When you finally start, your bitterness runs so deep,
I let you carry on. I keep silent
Standing before you in the shade of this majestic pine.
I am slain among the pine;
Your sharp words cutting deep.
You speak your piece and fall silent.
I am silent when I leave you with the pine; this time your wound is deep.
“I am slain among the pine” – loved this. Nice job with the tritina.
Thanks! I’m so glad I tried it out!
…
Michelle, you need to write more poetry. This is gorgeous. I love the overall imagery and the brevity of the lines in the third tercet. Wow.
You are too kind. Thank you. This was really fun!
Seriously Michelle! This is beautiful and sad. You are totally a poet.
Thank you. There is a story in the inspiration behind it and someday you’ll read it. This just isn’t that day 🙂
Quite aside from being completely in awe of you for writing a tritina, this was filled with such pathos. It’s beautiful, and I hope you keep writing poetry too.
Thank you so much, Asha. I was really nervous about sharing this and I’m so happy it’s been well received.
Yes, what everyone else said about writing poetry! Loved the way you built up to the ending. Beautiful scene-setting, too.
Thank you so much!
I start off thinking we’re going to get a Christmas tree and then something quite different is going on. I love twists like that. Unexpected and so sharp.
Haha, yeah, no Christmas trees over here! Glad you enjoyed it.
Fascinating that the narrator leads his/her love into the pines and leaves the person there: I brought you/I leave you. Great contrast there rumbling underneath. Love it!
I hadn’t thought about that bringing/leaving thing. This is inspired by another story I wrote but haven’t shared yet and I hadn’t thought of the contrast in that way. Interesting. This may shape that original story. Thanks for pointing it out.
I like how you brought an the confrontation into a traditionally peaceful setting. And the hints of murder are so subtle, but very clear.
I love that you pointed out the hints of murder.
Pingback: abandoned | Arden Ruth Writes
Pingback: Long Distance | the relative cartographer
Pingback: War Poem in the Snow (Cento) | PIGSPITTLE OHIO