It’s Too Late To Go With My Gut.

It’s Too Late To Go With My Gut.

Did you ever hear a word and have the sneaking suspicion that maybe it means something that you’re not quite comfortable with?

Nathan has this giant stuffed peacock that he named Chiggy Cheeby Chavers. We just call him Chiggy, because we’re like family. I have to tell you that I hate this thing. I swear this kid picks out a toy and then deliberately tries to annoy me to death with it.

I was going to write a whole post about Chiggy and why I hate him. Here are the highlights:

1. He’s too big and he’s always in my face.

2. He screeches.

3. He bites people and then if he bites you, you will start turning blue and into a peacock. So you have to use a special “chig-lotion” to counteract the effects of Chiggy’s saliva.

4. Chiggy must be fed eleven pickles whenever he demands them or he goes crazy, which involves much screaming and destruction.

5. He lays eggs in Nathan’s closet and the babies all live in my garage. I’m supposed to go outside every night and feed them.

I will give my kid some credit, he has a good imagination. It’s unfortunate that he uses it for evil.

I decided to Google the word Chiggy before writing this post, just in case it did mean something we shouldn’t say in public. I probably should have done this right when I had the feeling about the dumb bird’s name, but I really didn’t think this phase would last so long. Urban Dictionary has several definitions for Chiggy. First is the name given to a couple on the UK version of Big Brother 8. Sometimes it’s used as a substitute for obscenities, which I guess isn’t really that big of a deal.

Another definition is “an absurdly cute animal.” Nathan thinks this thing is cute, so maybe he somehow knew that chiggy meant that. Who knows?

But now, here is where it gets bad. Oh, so bad. Stop reading right now if you are grossed out by disgusting sexual things. Here is the fourth definition, straight from Urban Dictionary:

“Chiggy is when a male pees in the females [sic] mouth, and slowly starts to drip out of her nose, creating a mixture of snot and pee. Then, she pukes all over the male. This period is called loop.”

I mean, I assume this is sexual, because ew. And why?  

A chiggy is also someone who is very good at physics but doesn’t speak English well. That is awfully specific. It’s also “a cute, cuddley [sic] ninja-type short person from Irish decent.” I don’t even know where to start trying to figure out what that means. Finally, it’s also “a fat poop inserted in one’s ear.” That just made me giggle, because it said poop.

I really wish I had told Nathan from the get go to change that stupid bird’s name. I had a feeling a chiggy wasn’t a good thing. But now it’s too late to go with my gut.

Nathan and Chiggy

Nathan and Chiggy

This is NaBloPoMo Day 16. You can read my fellow yeah writers here. I’m also adding this to the moonshine grid, which you can read here.

25 Responses to “It’s Too Late To Go With My Gut.”

  1. there’s always one bad apple that ruins it for the rest of us. You forgot this amazingly adorable definition: A cute, cuddley ninja-type short person from Irish decent.
    You know you have a hit on your hands with this post if “chiggy” shows up in any trending now lists.

    • michellelongo says:

      Let’s hope that if chiggy is trending it’s as a stuffed peacock and not some of those other disgusting definitions!

  2. Natalie DeYoung says:

    Hahaha. But look at his little face! He loves Chiggy! 😉
    This post made me laugh.

  3. Karen says:

    Wow, Chiggy is almost as big as your son. Is there and way you can put that thing in the drier and try to shrink it?

    The snot/pee thing is just wrong! The worst part is that it happens often enough to have made it into the Urban Dictionary.

    Michellelongo, why have you defiled my Saturday morning?

    • michellelongo says:

      No! Not the dreaded first and last name!! :) I was thinking the same thing about Urban Dictionary. Who thinks of these things and then gets them to catch on? My neighbor gave Chiggy to Nathan and I was could not believe how big it was. It was sweet of her to think of him while she was out shopping, but were there no smaller toys in the store?

  4. Calamity Rae says:

    Look at his cute, innocent face! There’s no way he knew chiggy meant pee in nose via mouth!!! That is one large angry bird, btw. That *is* an “angry bird” right? He looks like he loves that thing. Please let him keep Chiggy. Despite that terrible chiggy name.

    • michellelongo says:

      He can keep Chiggy, I’m not that mean to take him away. It’s not an Angry Bird, it’s some bird knock off trying to capitalize on the AB franchise. But he is a huge AB fan, so that’s how he ended up with this thing. :)

  5. Erica M says:

    Can’t any old dumbass leave a definition in Urban Dictionary? I seriously doubt entries are vetted.

    Why am I the first to make a gettin’ chiggy wit’ it joke?

    • michellelongo says:

      Kris and I sing gettin’ chiggy wit’ it all the time and it makes Nathan very angry.
      And yes, I think anyone can post on UD. I’m going to go around asking men if they’ll give me a chiggy and see if anyone knows what I mean. But then if they do I will run away.

  6. C.C. says:

    Love this post! It is so entertaining. Unfortunately, ‘Gettin’ chiggy wit’ it’ takes on a whole new meaning after one is privy to these disgusting definitions! 😛

  7. Cindy Reed says:

    Maybe you could call it by its middle name? Googling Cheeby …

  8. Cindy Reed says:

    Yeah, so Cheeby are the “bumps on one’s testicles.”

  9. Kylie says:

    I swear 15 year old boys are making up the grossest definitions they can for the Urban Dictionary. They start out so sweet. Better rein in your little guy’s imagination now. Ugh. I just don’t even like my own comment. Gross.

    • michellelongo says:

      I feel like the next decade (at least) is going to be one more disgusting discovery after another. But as long as he’s naming stuffed animals and not *doing* these things, I think I’m OK. I hope. :)

  10. Ha..you aren’t kidding that thing is huge! my kids are attached to their pillows and pillowcases. my daughter has has the same pillowcase for 8 years!

    • michellelongo says:

      I guess when you put your head on something every night you get attached. Every year or two there’s a new favorite. Chiggy has been in favor for about 6 months now. I’m slightly worried about what will come next.

  11. Stacie says:

    I love this, and Cindy’s comments are a riot! You will get awesome google search terms from this post.

  12. Rob says:

    You’re probably okay with the name Chiggy, because I highly doubt you will be running into anyone who knows definition number 4 :)

  13. Hahaha I guess it’s too late to put the genie back in the bottle. But look how much he loves peacock…It kind of makes up for the alternate definitions for the name…

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