Last year I decided I wasn’t going to do NaBloPoMo. Instead, I wanted to write 25,000 words toward my memoir. I did that and then some. It was great and I’m still really proud of that, even though virtually no one has read any of those words.
I have an idea for a novel that has been brewing but I can’t quite figure it out yet. The more I try, the more stuck I am. This idea is half-baked at best. For a brief moment I considered trying NaNoWriMo, banging out something of a first draft. But without a full scope of the story, that seemed impossible. I tried to write an outline, but it didn’t work. I thought about winging it but I didn’t know where to start.
Without a big project to work on, I figured I’d do NaBlo again. I thought if I could get myself in the swing of writing daily again, I could get that novel going. Or something. I’m not really sure what I was thinking.
First of all, I do write daily. Between the day job and freelance work, I’m writing all the time. It just isn’t personal writing. The reason my creativity is in the toilet right now is that I am writing so much in other places. I’m not complaining, but it’s not like I don’t understand what’s happening.
Also, diverting my attention away from the creative stuff I’m actually pursuing is totally counterintuitive. The only way to write a novel is to actually sit down and WRITE A NOVEL. I know this. You know this. Writing 30 blog posts isn’t going to help that. Reading other people’s blog posts is going to help it even less. (I didn’t really read that many other posts, which makes me a terrible participant. Sorry, friends.)
So let’s call bullshit on this, shall we? I did this daily thing because I am afraid to write the novel. I set up a month long distraction from important stuff so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the important stuff. Hey, guess what? It worked! I accomplished nothing.
You could say that I did blog every day (assuming I get through tomorrow) but 90% of the blogs I posted this month were crap. Anyone reading this blog for the first time is going to wonder what I’m trying to do here. If the goal was to do myself a disservice, well, congratulations to me!
I’m not knocking November challenges. I think they are really powerful. However, I think they don’t serve everyone the same way. I have about 32 seconds to spare per day — I have to use them wisely. This wasn’t it. The truth is, this isn’t the only example of how I’ve been all over the place, spread too thing, unfocused. This is symptomatic of a larger problem.
Having a few days off work and a few days without other freelance gigs gave me some time to think and I didn’t like what I came up with.
There is nothing in this world I cannot do. I knew that when I was a toddler and I know that now. But, and it’s a big but, it all takes work and focus and that is not at all what I’ve been doing. I got so bogged down with not having a job in the beginning of this year and then having a new job and then trying to do the freelance and, and, and…
Stop for one second. Just. Stop.
Refocus. I cannot be everything to everyone.
I cannot be everything to everyone.
Tomorrow’s a new day.
No more wasted time.
This is yeah write’s nomo day 29.