Today I’m thinking that it would be really nice if for once things worked out in my favor. If just once people gave me the kind of attention that I would give to them. If I could be someone’s priority. I feel like I am never anyone’s number one priority. More often than not, I am not my own priority. Is it possible that some people just aren’t priorities to anyone? I call or email people, they don’t get back to me. If I do this to someone, I feel enormously guilty. Somehow I doubt that somewhere someone is thinking, “Oh shit, I forgot to call Michelle back”. Even though I can count several people off the top of my head that owe me a phone call, my phone is not ringing. Emails are not piling up in response to ones that I have sent out.
And it seems like all I do, day in and day out, is something for someone else. I realize that it’s hard to lump in my job with that. They pay me to do stuff for them. But the fact remains that my NEEDS in that position are rarely considered, despite any reminders that are given out. I have people that expect things of me and even try to guilt me into doing more for them.
I can’t blame my son, he’s just a baby after all. His neediness should be the ONLY acceptable neediness. He is the only one who should be making demands on me without a care as to what I’ve already got going on, simply because he is too young. But I fear that he will get older and realize that I’ve got plenty of other things to do and still not care.
I’m off now to do a pile of stuff that I have no desire to do. Yay me!