Twitch.

My eyes have been twitching for nearly a week now.  It’s mostly my right eye, but every now and again my left one freaks out a bit.

I have two theories:

One is that I’m tired.  Between how I was out galavanting the other night and how I’ve been staying up late reading blog posts and doing blog link ups, I am not getting enough rest.  I mean, I don’t get enough sleep on a regular night when I’m crashing by 9:30.  I really have no business being up until 1am when I need to be up at 5:30am.

The other theory is that I’m stressed.  I should point out that I’m painfully aware that I have been stressed out over one thing or another since you met me.  It doesn’t matter which of you is reading this and how or when or where you met me, chances are I was stressed when it happened.  Chances are also that I told you so.  I’m sure I at least told you I was tired.  See my first theory above.

So the stress.  Someone told me I shouldn’t.  Stress that is.  I don’t think I’ve ever not been so I almost feel like there’s no chance I ever won’t be.  Sometimes trying to relax makes me feel like I could have a panic attack.  I know.  I’m a mess.

I wish I could not stress.  Some of it is work stress.  It would be in poor taste to give details, but suffice to say it’s busy and there’s a lot going on.  I realize this is true of most jobs.  My husband jokes (at least I think he’s joking) that it’s the busiest time of the year at my job for 365 days straight.  But the last few weeks?  Ugh.  I need a vacation from my life so I can catch up on work stuff.

Some of the stress is just the day to day of family responsibilities.  Again, I know, I only have one child and I have a husband.  I shouldn’t complain because I have a good situation and many people don’t.  However, I have responsibilities and a house to take care of and a kid that keeps wanting to eat stuff and a geriatric dog and, and, and…  You know how it is.   We all have it.  Sometimes it’s overwhelming.  The farthest I’ve gotten on my Spring Cleaning to-do list was writing the list.  I need a vacation from my work so I can catch up on house stuff.

And then there’s the writing.  I don’t want to call it stressful lest you tell me it’s “just a hobby” and I should stop.  It isn’t and I won’t, but it takes up a lot of time.  I’m trying to become the Queen of the Blogoverse (that’s not true) and I’ve been reading a lot of other bloggers (I call this research).  I’ve been doing things to promote my blog and I’ve been writing tons of posts.  I think I have at least a dozen in some stage of editing.  And here I am writing another instead of getting those finished.

As if all this blogging wasn’t enough, I’m also working on a memoir.  It’s not light subject matter – my mother’s illness plus other fun trauma – but the words need to find their way out of my head and onto paper (or a screen, as the case may be).  I’m sure it will be years before it’s even remotely publication worthy, but it has to start somewhere.  Some of the pages I write though, they wipe me out.  I’m thinking about scenes from childhood I haven’t thought about since childhood.  I need a vacation from work and life to get more writing done.  And then I’ll probably need a vacation from the writing.

At night, when I finally go to sleep, I dream about work, writing, blogging and in-person interactions with the people on Twitter that I don’t actually know in real life.  When the Twitter dreams happen, the people all look like their Twitter pictures, so their heads don’t move.  And the people who have pictures or drawings instead of faces, they look like their icon in my head.  Most of these dreams involve me frantically trying to get things done and always being behind schedule.  So basically it’s like I’m still awake except I’m horizontal for a while.

Oh, did I not mention that part of the reason I can’t get stuff done in my dreams is that I’m in bed out in the world?  Like, my bed is in my office or at the grocery store or whatever.  The bed dreams are always such a huge stress indicator.  And there’s nothing worse than being in your bed some place completely inappropriate and not being able to get stuff done.  My stress dream stresses me out.

So it’s no wonder my eye won’t stop twitching.  At some point I will crash and it will be epic.  Nervous breakdown, sick as a dog, I’m only going to watch 25 episodes of Hoarders on Netflix Instant sort of epic.  Maybe that’s what I need – an epic crash.

Not sure when I can fit it in though.  Let me check my calendar…

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56 Responses to “Twitch.”

  1. Michelle, Sorry about your eye.I wish Ellen wasn’t getting her cruise on, because SHE might actually have good advice to help you with your eye twitch. I will just say that you DO have a lot on your plate and becoming Queen of the Blogoverse (even if you only want to be, say, a Princess) takes time. Ellen and I gravely underestimated the amount of time blogging takes. It’s not just the writing, but the social media and the commenting that really need to be worked into the schedule as well. However, having read your work consistently, I can say that you should keep finding time for it. You always have something to say and a nice way to say it—powerful combo. Good luck, Erin

    • I’m jealous of Ellen and her cruise! Of course, I stress about packing, so… Like you said the social interactions that come along with a blog getting some attention was not something I anticipated. It’s good stuff, don’t get me wrong, the friendships and encouragement I get from people like you and others keeps me going. Thank you so much for the kind words, they really mean a lot.

  2. Blogging does take up SO much time (I totally underestimated it). My rule is, don’t do it if it’s not fun! sometimes it becomes not fun and I take a break for awhile. That makes it easier. Thanks for sharing, and my friend totally had an eye twitch problem when we worked at a telemarketer office. It went away when we quit. So I hope you find a way to balance and reduce some stress! 😉

    • The problem it is fun and I love it, but then when I step back I remember all the other stuff I have to also do. If I was a telemarketer, I think I’d have a full body twitch – I hate to be on the phone!!
      Thanks for reading!

  3. Robbie K says:

    I haven’t been blogging and reading for very long but I often wonder what I use to do with my time. Good luck on writing your memoirs..writing about difficult times can be emotoinally draining and theraputic too.

  4. Jade says:

    Oh dear, guilty hand going up… I’m the absolute worst for staying up superlate. I was just reading an article in the paper today actually about a study that has shown people now think sleep is negotiable, and a majority of us stay up past midnight. Doing things that aren’t really important. I do it nearly every night! THE WORST. Good luck with the twitch, that’s irritating!

    • The only night I stay up is really when I’m doing bloggy stuff or writing. To me it’s important, but I’m definitely playing fast and loose with my sleep requirements!

  5. christina says:

    blech i hate the twitchy eye thing. i’m sure it’s both being tired and stress- especially with all the writing you’re doing. it’ll be amazing once you get it all out though- and the eye twitching will be worth it. ;D

    • You make a good point. Perhaps my eyes are freaking out because I have them focusing on a computer screen most of the day!! Someday it will all be worth it, I’m sure. Thanks for reading!

  6. Hey Michelle, we chose the same badge this week; maybe that’s because I’m an epic worrier, too! Hang in there, girl; you’ve been cranking out a lot of good posts and no one would forget about you if you took a week off and ran a couple of guest posts or just let an excellent post stand for several days. Your fans are here to stay!

    • I hadn’t even put that together with the badge – how funny! You know I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t read them all. Classic overachiever, I am. Thank you for the kind words. They mean so much.

  7. I used to be a chronic stressed out worrier – and then I crashed. Well, I also got medicated, so … you know 😉 But yes! It’s a vicious circle and you are ambitious and want to succeed at everything you do. It’s not a bad thing – it just means you hold yourself to a high standard. Give yourself permission to just reside on a success that you have, ride the wave, appreciate the feeling of having done well for a little bit. Then move on a tackle the next thing.

    You write great posts – your fans will hang out and allow you a break 😉

    • I definitely have high standards. And I rarely let a success stand before I’m working on the next thing. I think it’s a skill I never learned. I should give it a try though. It’s funny how many of you said you’d wait if I took a break – that’s such a huge fear for me. If I disappear, who will be left. It’s so sweet of you all to say you’d still be there. Hearing that makes my day.

  8. Miranda says:

    I have even fewer responsibilities than you do and still feel like I never have any time to do anything. I hope that some of the stress comes off because I don’t want you to have an epic crash.

  9. Delilah Love says:

    Oh girl, I have that pesky eye twitch too. It shows up when I’m tired or stressed and it drives me insane! I am an insomniac who survives on around 4 hours of sleep a night. I do most of my blog post writing between the hours of midnight and 2am. People have told me to just give up the blog, give up the writing and go to bed earlier. Gah. They don’t get it. I’m really enjoying your blog and your writing! It takes time to build a blog, a lot of time. I’ve been blogging since 2008 and I burned out big time in 2010. I took a long break (several months) and came back with a fresh outlook and better time management skills. Take a short break, we’ll all still be here when you come back! Promise!

    • Thank you so much for saying such things! I knew in my head blogging would be hard, but never quite realized just how hard. The words come, but the time to write them and edit them. etc., was not something I thought about. And 4 hours of sleep routinely? Oh my! Pre-kid I got 8-10, naps on the weekend. Now I’m good for 6-7 and it’s no where near enough. 4? I’d die. I’m sure of it!

  10. Are you me? Am I you? Can we combine our stresses and twitches and go out for a drink? ‘Cause I think we need one.

    I could have written this. Seriously. Get out of my head. Only don’t, because I need someone who understands. I don’t have a kid, so I can’t pretend I can understand your stress. And yet, I do. Because of the way you write it. Because when you talk about it, it sounds like my stress.

    Are you me?

    • You are too kind! I think we all have major stress and tons of stuff to do and we all feel pulled in a zillion directions at one time or another, kids or not. We can all relate to that, I think. Thank you for being so sweet and yeah, we could totally get a drink. I do need one!

  11. Lance says:

    I thought you were just winking at me because you liked the cut of my job. Forgive me for being so self-absorbed.

    seriously, take care of yourself. Take a day or two off from the computer. Not everyone is part robot like me and can handle multiple days in a row of doing this.

    thanks for sharing michelle….get some rest, dear

    • I don’t know how people post as much as they do (you in particular!). I mean, I write a lot, but I can’t get more than 2-3 up a week and that is a struggle! I don’t know if I could walk away from the computer/phone for a whole day. How sad is that? I’m going to go to sleep by 11. Promise.

  12. MamaMash says:

    I took a good three months off from blogging and I no longer twitch. I just chain smoke now.

    I kid. I kid.

    Eat some bananas. Really, that’s all the advice I can give you because I know you won’t just rest. 😉

    • Someone else mentioned potassium to me. I meant to research how much and how much is in one banana. You know, because just eating more of them would be too easy, I need the scientific facts to back it up so I can eat EXACTLY the right number of bananas :) Sometimes I miss chain smoking. It was my break from actually doing stuff. Now I just do more stuff. Silly me.

  13. Shalini says:

    I’ve heard that twitter does the same thing to brains as cocaine. Hmmm. (I’ve never had a weird twitter dream, but it’s probably only a matter of time.)

  14. Gia says:

    Uhoh! I hope you find a way to destress

  15. i totally relate to everything here. i hit a point where everything becomes overwhelming and i’m making lists to keep up with my lists. on the bright side, i totally hope you’re conversing with my picture on twitter because it’s my favorite ever pic of dane and he does, indeed, brighten my day (if i don’t rate your dreams, no worries. that’s not really a shock!). good luck, and i think you’re awesome!

  16. Heidi says:

    I can so relate!! To the stress, the fatigue, the twitchy eye… Right now I need to figure out how to manage my time. It’s amazing how much stuff we can pack into a day and how much we pay for it later.
    I hope you keep writing, not only here, but on your memoir. I’m doing revisions on mine now and it was quite a journey to get it to this point. So, I empathize with you. And I want to tell you (if that’s okay) not to give up. There will be days where you can’t do it anymore…take a break…and pick it up again. It will be worth it.:)

    • I pack so much in, pay for it later and still beat myself up over what I didn’t get done. The struggles of over achievers. It’s definitely ok to say not to give up! I appreciate that and all your other kind words :) thank you!

  17. Seriously, you just described me! I am so glad to know that I am not the only one. And then I thought, oh NO! there is another writer out there who will get her book done first. Must. Go. Write. Now!

    But I can’t because my eye is twitching and I cannot see the screen!

    • That book is going to take me so long. You have plenty of time to get yours done first. I think the screen time is the big eye twitch contributor. But I can’t break away!! Thanks for reading!

  18. Dude, you need a break.

    Take a sickie off work? 😉

    Sometimes, I have dreams that my Twitter peoples appear in and I only see their avatars, which is kinda disturbing, like headless people waving at me from every corner.

    • Work is so busy right now that I would stress if I took time off thinking about how much more behind I’d get. Soon though things will slow down (I hope!). I’m glad I’m not the only one with Twitter dreams!

  19. I get stressed about coming up with blog entries too – and finding the time to write them. None of us are getting enough sleep! We need give ourselves permission to take a week – or even a few days – off, and know that people will still read us and we might even have more to say and say it better if we do! I feel your pain and hope you get a break!!

  20. That eye twitch is the WORST. Like, worse than almost anything else bad.

    The memoir writing – as I am finding too – is full of hidden body blows. I feel beat up, and spread too thin after some writing, and it takes a week to recover sometimes. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but I know it’s necessary.

    Here’s hoping it passes.

    • I hit a block on the memoir. I got through some rough stuff and then put it down for a week. I’m almost ready to go back. I think it’s good. I like to think that it means I touched a nerve and dug deep. I hope that’s what it means. Thanks for reading, Ben.

  21. Tara says:

    hang in there…the eye twitch is the worst. and know that there are a lot of people who wonder what they are doing, if it is too much, not enough, or just a stress ball of right. keep doing what feels necessary and forget the rest.

  22. kristin says:

    I definitely need to take a reading break. I’ve been typing and reading and excel-making and all sorts of crazy computering that my eyes actually ache – which scares me. I also get the eyelid shiver – and if freaked me out when I watched it in the mirror. What? People can see this happening?

    I hope you find some calm and relaxation. I’ll hope for some for us all!

    • My coworker told me she could see it. That was funny, sort of. I am on a computer all day with excel or email or other things. Plus reading. Then I come home and read and write. My “break” is TV watching. I think I need to just stare at a wall for a while. Hope you relax too!

  23. I get an eyelid twitch, as if my one eyeball has been shopping at the meth lab. And sometimes a weird pinkie finger spasm. I like to think it’s all my creative energies circulating through my body, just begging to be let out. But in fact? it’s just simple exhaustion, the last drips of adrenalin limping through the system. At the risk of sounding like a complete new age idiot, yoga helps. I can hear you snorting…but really. Even 15 minutes in the kitchen of stretching and unkinking the spine…the twitches sort of settle down (or at very least, they twitch in sync with one another).

    • You’re going to laugh at this – I tried yoga and I’m so impatient I couldn’t really do it. I need fast yoga (does that exist?). I need to make time for exercise in general, I think that would help. And I can be pretty new agey myself, so no worries there. Acupuncture is my go to stress release. I wish I could walk around with needles all day :) thanks for reading!

  24. I can so relate! I’ve had a twitchy eye for 2 years! 2! Years! God I need a spa vacation.
    Alone.
    With out kids
    or dog
    or job
    or hubby??

    • 2 years? yikes! Mine has calmed down mostly, thank goodness. I vacation alone, but medicated so I wouldn’t be worrying about any of the stuff back home – that’s what I could use!! Thanks for reading.

  25. Mirjam says:

    The twitchy eyes are a definite sign. It’s both the stress and the fatigue. I had it for while there.
    I’m sorry, but I cannot take this lightly. Even if stress is a part of you, you need to do something about it. It’s all about balance, as hard as it is, you can’t just go on until you crash. believe me, you don’t wanna crash. It is very hard to come back from it.
    I hope you can find some balance, and I didn’t mean this in a judgy know it all kind of way.
    It just sounds to me like you really need a break.

    • You’re absolutely right – I do need a break. Writing actually is a release, even when it’s taking up tons of time and feels stressful. Last weekend was a good break and I did feel better. Monday-Fridays though… Um, not sure what to do about those! That’s going to take some time to lighten up. Thanks for reading and being concerned, it’s appreciated!

  26. love love love this post. you are so funny. i love the way you describe your dream & how people look like their twitter icons. seriously-hilarious!

    sidenote- my eye was twitching last week too. bizarre.

    love your post.

    thanks!

  27. Jen says:

    Hey! Eat some bananas!!! My eyelid used to twitch, and it has something to do with potassium. I eat a banana every day now, and the eye twitches are gone!!!
    Sorry about the stress and insomnia, though.

  28. Arg, I get this too when I am particularly stressed (which usually results in less sleep).

    I wrote a post recently about watching an episode of some dumb sitcom like “The Big Bang Theory” to clear my brain of all the real-life drama before I go to sleep. Try it out!

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