When I was a tween, I was recruited for my first job. The lady who lived two doors down asked me if I’d like to come with her to the senior citizen building around the corner and help her clean apartments and do laundry. She paid me an amount so small that, more than thirty years later, I can’t recall it, but at the time it was my surefire ticket out of my house and into an apartment of my own. I had big dreams back then.
From there I babysat until I got a job for five seasons at the local Dairy Queen. When they would close for the winter, I worked in a drug store and the mall (selling engravable gifts, lingerie and books, not all at the same time). Finally, in 1995, I landed my first office job filing and opening mail. It was supposed to last a few months, but I kept doing more stuff and they kept paying me and I didn’t leave there until 2007.
When I did finally leave, I had a 95% sure thing waiting for me. I popped into that job two weeks later and stayed for more than five years. My last gig started about 19 months ago and allowed me to work from home and gave flexibility in my schedule to deal with a child in elementary school.
I have always kept going, kept pushing, kept working. Whether I liked the job or not was irrelevant. I was supposed to work and earn money and so I did. Always.
That last job was working out well for me until, about two weeks ago, they let me know they eliminated my position. They told me not to take it personally, but that’s easier said than done. I’ve never not had a place to go or something coming up over the horizon. My ego is healing from the bruise of being unwanted but I’m done with wallowing. I’ve always taken the safest routes and it has gotten me nowhere. Now is the time for change.
As much as I would tell you that I wished I had free time to do whatever I wanted to do, there was a certain comfort in not having to make that decision for myself. The reason my book wasn’t done? The job. The reason I didn’t write more for pay or otherwise? The job. The reason I couldn’t exercise, plan better meals for my family, volunteer more at the school? The job. Always the job. It was a ready made excuse and I used it to the fullest.
Now I have all the time in the world. I’m faced with an uncertain future and forty-five unstructured hours per week to fill with trying to accomplish my goals. The universe stepped in and told me that if I really want to do big things, here’s my chance. It’s exciting and it’s scary. If I fail, I have no one to blame now but me.
So I will make myself wanted again. I will push through the self-doubt. I always knew I was meant for something more.
It’s now or never.